LiveJoural survey, 2016

I have vague memories of being 14 and stalking a crush’s LiveJournal.  If she was particularly (bored? depressed? lonely? feeling expressive?) she would have filled out these intricate “surveys”, which I was reminded of by this article.

It’s 2016, perfect opportunity to bond anonymously with the internet or more realistically to my future self, or future lovers because the only source of traffic for this page is from my memory and an okcupid link:

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Donald Trump.  I want to ask him why he doesn’t fake humility and show he’s somewhat reasonable, thus guaranteeing victory, which of his wives he was most in love with, etc.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

No.  If I were to be famous I would want it to be after I’m dead, because it would take energy that’s best used elsewhere.  I don’t have enough figured out to go on display, not qualified.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

No, exception phone interview.  For those, I have about 4 pages of notes on salary, my strengths and weaknesses, what I learned from my last job, my questions to that company, etc.  I hate the phone in general for drawn out conversations, prefer in-person or email.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

I don’t have an answer planned out.  Wake up and know I don’t need to really wake up, cuddle with a beautiful girl, fall asleep again, sun is shining in through a window, probably in an expensive hotel, top floor.  Go to breakfast at 11, some city place at ground level, spend less than $10 on cheap bagels and bottled orange juice.  Sit in a park and watch all the people working, walking around.  In the afternoon, magically have lots of energy and exercise somewhere far away, then cook dinner ( w different beautiful girl?  haha) It’s pizza.  Watch a famous old movie in an unknown theater that’s playing for some strange reason.  Drink gin and tonic in a normal bar, get drunk, walk around, go to sleep with the girl from the morning.  The other one was just a friend.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I have never sung anything since I was in 2nd grade chorus, but I have been complimented on my speaking voice a lot.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Body.  Nothing wrong with a 90 year old mind in some cases.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

No, probably generic old age.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

My partner is the internet.  We… evolve, can be destroyed by nuclear war, and are made up of electrical signals.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

My parents and my extremely lucky start to life.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I would change nothing.  It’s too complicated to predict the effects of a changed influence, so why try?  Maybe change something random just for fun, if I still get to see how I turned out this time.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

4 minutes is 12:08.  Born in Marshfield, MA.  Mom was my Dad’s 2nd wife.  I know nothing of the first woman.  Grew up in a white house on a hill, surrounded by woods, until 2nd grade.  Moved to a closer packed suburb, played a lot of soccer, was successful at that until 8th grade.  Next interest was cars, worked in cookie factory (excessively), decent student, saved to buy car I wanted.  1st relationship ended existentially, like I don’t know why I did it.  College, studied engineering, standard 1st job.  Lost touch with college friends, 2nd relationship, closest to love, broke up, new job, startup company, moved, started eating healthier and exercising again, quit that job, moved again to where I am now.  I’m in a career change, deciding what to do next.  Donated to charity more and more each year starting in 2013, that’s something I like and the only thing I’m certain I want to continue.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

ability to understand advanced math easily

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Who do I marry?  How long does that last?  Are we happy?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

No

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Giving $ to charity

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Toughness or other admirable qualities in that person. I want to be inspired by example.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

I don’t know, maybe running down a hill covered in brown pine needles when I was 7 years old, canopy of green ones overhead, stream at the bottom to jump over.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Anything cruel that I’ve done, or embarrassing.  One moment was in middle school, freezing up during a debate in front of the whole school, unable to respond to an argument. For cruelty, not being what various ex-girlfriends needed at the time.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would eat less healthy, and stop long term planning.  For obvious reasons.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

It means the same thing as love does- at the moment I don’t understand it enough to define its meaning to me.  But love I want, friendship I don’t and honestly never have wanted.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I want them when I’m going to sleep, but am other times thankful to be independent/obligation free.  I could never have this conversation in person, I would be unable to think quickly enough and my answers would seem even more abrupt than these might.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Yes my childhood was happier, because I had brothers and a sister, and was perfectly provided for.  Family now is quite distant and cold, nobody knows why, but it’s “logical” and I don’t think I mind.  I’m probably even more confused about family than I am about friendship, because at least you choose friends.  My vision of the evolved future does not include families, or at least they’re thought of differently.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

I’m happy with it, and recently more relaxed about it because she doesn’t want to hear from me any more than I want to hear from her.  We have minimal in common but we are civil, always have been.  When she misses me, I feel guilty, and so it’s nice that that seems to be less, at the moment, because she’s busy with …. whatever she does.  I like not knowing.

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

a bed at the top of a skyscraper.  Apparently this is my fantasy.  After that, I’ll get to see what I want to share next, and then after that, and then after that.  I don’t want to skip.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I am likely to mostly disappear in 3 years, because that’s what I do to friends.  It won’t be sad, it will happen slowly and naturally.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

I did that, and it’s the most embarrassing one.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Breaking up with ex, at least 3 or 4 years ago.  Before that, grandfather’s funeral.  Any others were silly.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

This question totally seems designed to build confidence, who made these questions and why?

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Nothing.  “There are no such things as jokes.  The truth is the funniest joke of all” Muhammad Ali

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Nothing!

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Haha, I have no loved ones or pets.  I’d save my cardboard box full of writing because it’s the only record of my life that I have, and everything else can be bought with money.  Or nothing, since I’ve considered throwing this last thing out.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My younger sister’s.  She struggles w/ depression and eating disorders, so is the most likely to have a sad death.  She’s also the youngest, so that’s inherently sad.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

My personal problem is that as viewed by the general public, I have no interest in many many things and people.  I wish I could flip a switch and be more friendly or blend in more, just to inconvenience them less, possibly making myself invisible.  Leading me to this link   The majority of those things sound incomprehensible because they’re inconvenient to other people.  I don’t think I have social anxiety, rather I myself hate being inconvenienced or interacted with in the wrong mood, so I dislike being the person possibly doing that to others.  It’s why we leave tips, why we don’t ask strangers for favors, etc.  It’s logical!  I’m a Pisces, I’m ruled by dreams and imagination, but I’m into logic as well.  Do you think I’m avoiding the real problem?  I don’t!

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